I still will love you
by Dresden-Neville
Summary: During the full moon an accident takes place that changes the Marauders' lives. Slash SBRL, mild language.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Though I would like all that money that Joe has..hehe.

Chapter 1-

James sat up straighter as he glanced down the table in the Great Hall. He pointedly ignored Sirius' not so silent sniggering as he tried once more to gain Lily's attention.

"Face it mate, you'll never get her. She's already said she'd rather kiss my arse then even look you."

James sighed. "Stop being such a foul git, Sirius. Just because your love life is fairy tale doesn't mean everyone's is."

Sirius grabbed James' shoulder.

"Jamie, cheer up. You know I'm just joking with you."

James grinned. "I know. Come on we better go, Remus will kill us if we're late to Binns' again."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Well I'll just have to..er..make him forget."

James grinned as he rolled his eyes as they made there way out of the hall. As they entered the classroom Sirius immediately spotted Remus and Peter. Remus gave them a slight disapproving glare before taking out a quill and parchment.

Sirius nudged Remus, and the latter smiled. James settled in next to Peter who was looking frantic.

"Oi, Peter, what's with the anxiety?"

Peter turned the slightly pale face toward him. "You know we have a test next, in Potions."

Sirius leaned over Remus. "A test? How come I don't know about any test?"

"Perhaps because you never listen," Remus said dryly. Sirius opened his mouth to retort but Binns had already began to talk and he knew Remus would be lost in the world of note taking.

Sirius sat back, relaxed. He thought about what James had said merely minutes before.

Maybe he did have a fairy tale love life. Sirius glanced at Remus and smiled. There was no one better than Remus, Sirius thought, I'm fortunate to have such a person.

A slight squeeze on his knee brought him back to reality. The hand rested on his leg and he slyly grabbed it. Remus glanced his way giving him a quick grin.

Sirius smiled back. He mouthed the words I love you. His heart skipped when he got mouthed the words back. Even if there was no such thing, he felt that their relationship was perfect, simply perfect.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox--------

James watched Lily saying goodbye to her friend in Ravenclaw from under his invisibility cloak. As she started up the stairs he quickly followed a safe distance behind her until he was sure that they were alone. He ran in front of her and quickly pulled the cloak off. Before she could scream he put a hand over her mouth and dragged her into an empty classroom. There he tied her to a chair and released his hand.

Lily's eyes were filled with rage. "James Potter! What in the bloody hell do you think you are doing! Untie me right now or I'll scream!"

James took a deep breath his heart hammering.

"Not until you hear me out, Ev-Lily."

"I don't want to hear anything that comes out of your foul mouth Potter," Lily spat out, "Let me go, right now!"

James felt like he had been slapped in the face. He waved his wand and the ropes came undone. Lily brushed the rope off her and stormed out. James' vision wavered as he ran out after her.

"I'm so sorry Lily, "he yelled his voice cracking under emotion, "I just wanted to tell you that I really like you. That I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. That ..that.."

James stopped and sat down on the bottom stair. He felt a tear escape. He was crazy, he had just tried to pour his entire soul out to the one girl that stole his heart and she had rejected him before he could even start. He felt like nothing.

He heard the clicking of shoes and felt someone kneel beside him. He looked over and was surprised when he saw Lily. She reached a hand up and wiped a tear away.

"James, "She said quietly, "Are you..are those things you just said..are they true?"

James looked her in the eyes. "Yes."

Lily exhaled. "I'm so stupid.."

James looked at her questionably. "What do you mean?"

Lily grimaced. "You're not going to believe this, but I always thought that..when you flirted with me you were just joking around. I mean, the famous James Potter, flirting with me. I didn't ever think..that you could really like me back."

James searched her face. "Like you back..does that mean..?"

Lily smiled slightly. "Yes, James. I've liked you for so long and I'm sorry that I never believed you. I just thought you were toying with me like you have so many other girls."

James' eyes widened slightly. After all these years Lily Evans actually liked him. After all the name-calling, hexes and everything..Lily Evans actually liked him. James' heart skipped a beat.

"Does this mean..if I asked you to go out with me, you would?"

Lily looked at him for several long moments.

"You have shown me tonight that you aren't the arrogant berk you always seem to be, James. If you asked me I would say yes."

James grinned. "Lily will you go out with me?"

"I'd be delighted."

James smiled and when they started back to the dormitory he felt as light as air.

TBC…….

Yes, this first chapter seems just about James and Lily, and it is..but don't worry..it isn't all going to be like this. I swear the next chapters will be more exciting and funnier and all that jazz.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2.

Oh and I couldn't think of a better name for the story so….it's what it is..lol.

Chapter 2-

It was the story of the whole school. James Potter was going out with Lily Evans.

"Is the world coming to an end?"

Remus rolled his eyes as he looked at his boyfriend. Sirius had a hand to his forehead and was lying at Remus' feet in a mock faint. Remus, with one arm, yanked Sirius off the ground and brushed the over dramatic teens' robes off.

"Would you kindly stop it already. It's not like this wasn't going to happen eventually."

Sirius lifted an eyebrow as he clung to Remus' arm.

"You saw this? You knew it was to happen, "Sirius gasped out falling to his knees and with a dramatic flourish of the arm he grasped Remus' hand and kissed it. "Oh wise one, tell me my future!"

A group of people that were walking by sniggered as Remus sighed. Sirius took the hint.

"Oh all right," Sirius said standing back up and rearranging his books. He took Remus' free hand and began to lead him to lunch.

Remus looked at Sirius carefully. "You certainly are being playful today..this isn't some trick to hide you feelings, is it?"

Sirius stopped. "What do you mean?"

"Well you usually act stupid and dramatic when you are trying to hide something. Aren't you happy for James?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course, I'm perfectly happy with it. After all, they go together..like it was a meant to be thing, y'know?"

"Yeah."

"Good then, it's settled let's go to lunch."

Remus smiled. "Alright, let's go."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Sirius watched the flames in the fireplace as he threw in a piece of parchment. He jumped slightly when a hand rested on his shoulder.

He looked up and smiled. It was Remus.

"Another letter?"

Sirius nodded and patted the cushion next to him. Remus obliged and Sirius snuggled up against the werewolf's shoulder.

"Full moon tomorrow."

"I know."

"You should be in bed, you need your rest."

"As do you."

Sirius sat up. He looked at Remus who was watching the fire dance.

"I wish I could take it away for you."

Remus turned his head toward his boyfriend. "What?"

Sirius swallowed. "I wish I could take your lycanthrope away. If I had a choice I would take your place. I hate seeing you suffer."

Remus smiled slightly and rubbed his hand against Sirius' smooth cheek.

"I hope you never have to go through it, Sirius. I'd rather transform a hundred times in one night then to watch you have to do it once."

Sirius gave Remus a half grin. He got closer until his lips touched Remus'. Sirius' tongue met Remus' and they were lost in moments of passion. They broke apart breathless.

"Come on, love," Sirius said, "Let's go to bed."

Remus grinned. "Be a good boy, Padfoot. I wouldn't want to have to kick you out for the night."

Sirius put on a sad face and started walking to the stairs. Remus ran and enveloped him in his thin arms.

"But not too good," Remus whispered.

A huge smile was the answer he got.

I know what you're saying….ahh…too much fluff..too much…lol. Don't worry..next chapter comes the angst!


	3. Chapter 3

He people here's another one for you. Happy Thanksgiving!

**Shou-shou-** lol

**S.c.ou.s.er.4.li.f.e- **thanks..

**EsScpaper- **oh believe me, lots of angst!

**Emerald princess3- **I know..I love cute endings!

**PiperLeoEternally- **lol..I know it!

Chapter 3-

Sirius yawned into his bowl of porridge. He picked up his spoon like it was the heaviest item on earth and the dropped it back in the bowl. James watched this, amused.

"A bit of a late nighter, Padfoot?"

Sirius glared up but it was soon replaced by a stupid grin.

"Damn right it was a late night."

James sniggered. "I wouldn't fall asleep in McGonagalls' class again or she'll filet you alive and leave for the owls."

"I know, I know."

Just at that moment Lily walked up. "Sorry to interrupt boys but if you don't come now, you'll be late."

James stood up without question and followed Lily out of the Great hall. She was talking to him but Sirius knew James didn't hear a word of it.

He was in Lily heaven. Where nothing else was around except the one love of his life. Sirius smirked to himself as he followed a bit behind the two lovebirds. There he caught Remus, looking a bit unorganized coming down the stairs.

The tired werewolf gave Sirius a grin and fell in line with him. Sirius reached over and grabbed Remus' bag.

"Thanks," Remus said straightening his robes.

"No problem. What else am I here for?"

"Do I have to answer that?"

"Not out loud."

"Good."

Sirius winked as they went in and settled down. He nudged James with his elbow.

"What," James whispered.

"Did you forget who we have this morning," Sirius whispered back grinning.

"Snape," they said together.

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and they sat up like two innocent five year olds. She went on telling them how to transfigure turtles into plates and by the end of the lesson James and Sirius had concocted a plan.

They waited for the bell to ring and watched as Snape walked out. They ran out after him and as Sirius sprung his wand out and said, " Densaugeo!" James rushed and said, "Avis!"

Snape whipped around as flocks of birds came sniping at his head and his teeth were growing larger by the second. People around roared with laughter as Snape ran up the stairs all the while yelling and waving his arms.

James and Sirius childishly gave each other high fives and waltzed into their next class.

66666666666666666666

Remus was shaking his head as James and Sirius told him what they had done earlier that day. As they finished their tale they neared the hospital wing.

"We'll see you in a few, Moony."

Sirius gave Remus' hand a quick grip and they hurried back up the stairs, in which James tried to push Sirius off the edge of a changing staircase. Remus snorted as he opened the doors.

"Ready Mr. Lupin?"

Remus nodded and he followed her out to the Whomping Willow. As soon as she left he settled down on the bed waiting for the others. Luckily, he didn't have to wait for long.

"Wotcher Moony!" James said as Sirius saluted him. Peter rolled his eyes.

"You've got to make them stop. They've been like this all day. All bloody day!"

Remus shrugged. "What can I do?" He looked out the rugged wooden window of the Shrieking Shack. He could feel his body feeling the change. The emotion in the air got serious. He felt the bed tilt a little and Padfoot was there licking his face.

"Stop it already, Pads."

As the moon appeared it took all of about five minutes to change into the ravaged beast. The wolf moved to slash at his chest but a ball of black fur was in the way. He felt a warm tongue lick his arm and then his face. It calmed the wolf down and when he saw all of his pack there they left the shack and ran into he woods.

It was getting later into the night and the pack was lying around, except the dog. Padfoot was running around jumping and wrestling with Moony. Moony watched the dog prance around when a sudden rush of smell and emotion wafted into his senses.

This was _his_ Padfoot. Padfoot belonged to him and no one else. True they were a pack but Padfoot was his mate and Moony wanted nothing else but to make sure everyone knew. He tackled Padfoot and out of the corner of his eye saw that the stag had risen. But no worry, he could take on the stag if it came to that.

Padfoots' eyes smiled up at him and Moony lost control. He howled as he leaned down taking in a part of Padfoot's flesh. The dog barked and the stag moved nearer, trying to intervene and Moony came around knocking the stag into a tree.

He turned back around and this time sunk his teeth in, biting hard. Moony tasted the blood as it ran over his teeth and down his mouth. Padfoot howled this time. It sent shivers down the wolf's spine. Then Moony was knocked by an unseen force and driven off his mate. He was about to attack when he saw the Padfoot.

Padfoot was shaking violently and screeching. Moony walked slowly toward the dog and howled.

TBC………

Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry so late! I couldn't think of how to start it!

**Mel-** thank you!

**Maeve son of Mickrick-** hope that means you like it!

**thequeenb-** thanks!

**Emerald princess3-** okay, here you go!

**S.c.ou.s.er.4.li.f.e- **you know your name is so annoying to type in, lol..but keep reviewing anyway!

**Knight Guardian-** yeah you got it!

**EsScaper- **you got it right too!

Chapter 4-

Something is wrong.

Remus opened his eyes slowly. Every fiber in his body was screaming that something happened. He was debating on whether to get up or not when James' face appeared. Remus sat up, taking a closer look at him.

James' eyes were red-rimmed and his hair was messier than usual.

"James, what happened? What did I do?"

James shook his head as he looked away. He ran his hand under his nose and when he looked back Remus saw they were watery. He felt his heart skip some beats.

"What did I do," Remus said shakily. He grabbed James' shoulder and wasn't surprised to see his hand shaking.

"Remus…" James began but had to cut off to clear his throat.

Remus couldn't stand it any longer. Despite the soreness and pain Remus sat up and held James' shirt collar. Remus saw in that instant the emotion across James' face went from anguish to fear and back to anguish.

James solemnly undid his hand and grasped his shoulder. He looked Remus straight in the eye.

"Remus you..you bit Sirius."

Remus sat there. He could hear his heart thumping and the blood rushing to his head. James looked down at the sheets.

"He's at St. Mungo's."

James didn't know what else to do or say. Sirius was in bad shape. He looked up when Remus inhaled sharply. The werewolf's face was paling and his eyes were shut, but there were still tears falling out of the corners. Remus' breathing continued to get faster and sounded more labored.

James recognized this as a panic attack. He remembered Sirius had had one a long time ago. James raced to Madam Pomfrey's office and banged on the door.

She came bustling out and before James could get a word in she was already over to Remus and ministering to him. James stood there awkwardly until everything settled down. When he walked back over there, he saw that Remus was asleep.

Even though he was asleep, he was still crying.

3 DAYS LATER –8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8—

A loud sound fled into Sirius' ear and he awoke with a yell. He sat up straight in his bed, his forehead sprinkled with sweat. The curtains were pulled back merely seconds later and Remus was there.

"Sirius?"

Sirius swallowed. He could smell the worry and the guilt coming off of his boyfriend. The day after he had been bitten Sirius had come back to Hogwarts. He had sat Remus down, let the boy cry and they had a long talk. Sirius, of course forgave him. Remus though couldn't forgive himself.

"I h-heard something. Did you?"

Remus sat down beside him, not looking at him.

"Only your yell."

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

Remus looked up. Sirius was looking warily around as if he suspected someone to jump out of the shadows at any minute.

"Are you okay? Do you need to see-.."

"I'm fine."

"You're lying."

"So?"

Remus put a hand to Sirius' forehead. "You feel like you have another fever."

Sirius shrugged.

"And you haven't slept at all, you haven't eaten and you've been throwing up."

Sirius lay back down. "I'm alright. They told me that-.."

"It'll pass. Yes I know, after all I had the same symptoms, though not as long. I only had it the first day, I guess because of my age. They say it's better when you're younger."

Sirius nodded but instantly regretted it. His head was pounding. He shut his eyes. He felt the bed shift a bit and then he felt Remus' body next to his. The smell of guilt was stronger now mixed with worry and exhaustion. The emotions were almost too strong to bear.

Then he felt Remus' hands massaging his head and going down to his shoulders and back up again.

"My mom did this to me all the time," Remus whispered soothingly, "When it all seemed too much. Just relax Sirius; I'm going to take care of you. Forever and ever, I swear."

Sirius opened his eyes to peer into Remus' honey colored ones.

"I know."

Remus gave him a small kiss on the lips before returning to the massage. Not too long after starting again, Remus heard and felt Sirius' breath even out. Remus subsided slowly until he knew Sirius was in a deep sleep.

Remus laid awake there the whole night. He wouldn't let anything happen to Sirius. After all, it was the least he could do. He just didn't know how Sirius could still love him. How he could still even speak to him.

But Remus didn't care. He felt a weight being lifted when Sirius had told him that he forgave him. Remus couldn't lose Sirius. He couldn't live without Sirius.

Remus had always been the "weaker" one of the two. Now the tables had been changed. Remus had to protect Sirius now.

And this was one area that Remus would not fail in.

Remus swept a stay lock of hair out of his boyfriends' face.

"I love you forever Siri."

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, I was reading one of my old ones and realized I never finished it. I guess I should pick up where i left off, huh?

Sorry it took so long..lol.

Chapter 5-

Sirius opened his eyes feeling smothered. He sat up breathing deeply. He was feeling immensly better than he had been the last days. He looked around at the sleeping forms. He slowly got up and tiptoed to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror.

He was pale, his perfect hair now in a mess that could compete with James'. Sirius reached a slightly shking hand to pull back his shirt. He slowly revealed an ugly, ragged scar. Sirius swallowed thickly. He felt an unpleasant sensation in his stomach and ran to the toliet. He procedded to dry heave, as he hadn't been able to eat anything in three days. He heard the bathroom door open and absently noticed he could smell it was James.

"Sirius, mate, you alright?"

Sirius willed himself to stop and calm down. He stood up and went around the stall.

"Yeah James. I'm good."

James gave a half grin. "Padfoot I'm going to put this bluntly."

Sirius answered warily, "Alright.."

"You look like shit."

Sirius sniggered then burst out laughing. James smiled and stretched and Sirius took that moment to tackled James right out of the bathroom. Sirius noticed that he easily had James in a choke hold already. He released James a little bit.

"Say uncle Prongsie."

"Ah, since when have you gotten so strong you-..."

Sirius let go of James quickly. James sat up and looked down. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence they both got up and got dressed. Sirius was done first and sat waiting for James.

"It's going to be alright Sirius."

Sirius gave a small grin. "I know it will. Now come on before Peter eats all the food."

They sat in Charms class learning three different charms: the Banishing Charm, the Gripping Charm, and the Imperturbable Charm. Sirius was greatly over using the Imperturbable charm on Peter. James on the other hand was constantly using the banishing charm on Peter's parchment and quill. Waiting until the rat sat down to take some notes then sliently casting it and looking away pretending to work somewhere else. Then Sirius would use his charm to prevent Peter from reaching his parchment.

Remus shook his head at their antics but inside was jumping for joy. It made him so glad that Sirius was joking around. Though Sirius didn't look all that well, his eyes said that he was okay. For now.

Lost in his own thoughts Remus noticed that everyone was leaving. He quickly stuffed all his books and papers into his bag and hurried after the other three. Sirius had been walking slowly so Remus could catch up with him.

"You alright?" Sirius asked as they made their way to the Great Hall.

"Yeah, I'm alright. You?"

"Hungry."

Remus smiled. They sat down in their usual spots while Sirius moaned.

"Oh look at it! All this glorious food, how I have missed you! Oh how I have missed you!"

James rolled his eyes and for the first time ever Peter wasn't the one who ate the most.

Reveiwing would be a nice thing, don't you agree?


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry I haven't updated. For those of you who aren't reading my other story I have been away on a band trip and just got back today.

Ok by the way **this is importent so everyone read these next couple sentences! Yes, this story may not be able to happen. I realize they changed into the animagus forms to be safe, but may I remind you that this is FANFICTION. Mpreg isn't possible either, but yet we read and write them now don't we? So lay OFF. **

Thank you.

and thank you all soooooooo much for the reviews! I love them so very much!

Chapter 6-

Over the next few weeks Sirius slowly got the swing of his heightened senses and strength. He felt, in one word, perfect. He felt like he could conquer the world again and again and again.

This afternoon they were headed to Hogsmead. along the way they entertained theirselves by coming up with new pranks and ways to wreak havoc on Hogwarts. Remus watched with an amused expression as Sirius animatedly talked and pressed out new ideas. He had both Peter and James cracking up. Remus scooted closer to Sirius taking the latters' hand in his own. He felt Sirius squeeze his hand and he did the same back.

"So where shall we go first? Zonko's? Three Broomsticks? Honeydukes?"

James exaggerated a gesture of thinking and put a finger in the air. "Ah ha, I've got it gentlemen! Zonko's!"

Sirius straightened his back even more and put his nose in the sir. "A fine choice sir, as usual."

"Yes, yes thank you," James said pompously.

Peter snickered as Remus shook his head. "I swear if I didn't know you two..-"

"..then your life would be utterly dark and may I say very dull," Sirius finished.

"Very well put, my dear man," James replied, "Now this way to Zonko's!"

They stayed in Zonko's for a bit until Sirius got them kicked out for enchanting the galleons to float out of peoples' hands. They headed towards The Three Broomsticks. It was crowded but luckily they found seats near the back. Peter volunteered to go get the drinks and abruptly blushed a deep shade of red when Sirius said rather loudly, "You just want to look at Madam Rosmerta!"

Remus and James laughed as Peter walked off to the front. Sirius sat down comfortably. In just a few minutes later Peter came back with the usual drinks. James picked up his drink and the others followed the suit. They clanked them together and cheered and took a large gulp. Peter choked on his and James hit him in the back.

"Thanks," Peter said his eyes watering.

"You are welcome, Mister Wormtail."

They headed toward a couple more stores and decided to end it with a visit to Honeyduke's. To Peter's immense enjoyment they stayed there the longest and came back out bursting with sweets. Sirius found he enjoyed it more than ever before. The smells tickled his nose and he could barely bring himslef out of there.

"Now I now why this is your favorite store," he had said to Remus and in turn got a smile.

"Exactly!"

The marauders made their way up to the castle as it started to drizzle. Just as Sirius stepped in, for he was the last one inside, it started pouring. Sirius mimicked wiping sweat off his brow and they headed toward the Great Hall. The meal was just beginning and they sat down. Peter wasted no time digging in to the meal. Sirius, to his own surprise was also hungry though they just came from eating a bunch of sweets.

He looked up at Remus who was also filling his own plate and then to James who put only a little bit. Sirius shrugged it off and tucked in.

"So we spent about an hour planning all these pranks, " Sirius said taking a sip of his pumpkin juice, "When are we going to pull them off?"

James leaned back in his seat. He breifly looked over where Snape as sitting.

"Well we have Potions first thing tomorrow morning, then Transfiguration and we have Snape in both."

Sirius gulped down his juice before saying, "Well we did get a lot of things to specifically stick in something or somewhere, so my best bet is to...start in Potions."

"Start?" Remus said.

"Yes you can't quite expect us to just do one prank tomorrow. Oh no, we'll have fun tomorrow," James concluded with a grin.

Sirius leaned back in his chair, grinning. Thye meal soon ended and they made their way up to the dorms. Remus sat down and began taken off his shoes. He listened to James and Sirius plan every single move when he sat up. A sudden thought occured to him and with a great sigh he realized he was going to crush the great mood that had been around for the last weeks.

Remus stood up and leaned against the pole he waited for a break in the conversation and cleared his throat. The other three looked up at him expectantly.

Remus swallowed thickly. "Um..I just..wanted to say that..that I'm going to bed."

Sirius looked at him a little strangely but stood up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Alright, 'night Remmie. We'll try not to be too loud."

Remus forced a smile and got into his bed. He covered his head up and closed his eyes. He was greatly relieved that the conversation didn't last much longer and when the final light switched off he uncovered his head. Remus at there one thought going through his head over and over again. It had been a long time since he felt this nervous and scared. This time though it wasn't for himself, it was for Sirius.

Remus turned over on his back. Tonight there would be no sleep, but he was used to it near this time. Although as he looked over to the bed next to him, he wouldn't be alone. He could see Sirius moving every few minutes. Remus sighed and didn't know whether to get up and lay with Sirius or to just stay put. He was about to move when Sirius got up. his bed creaking softly.

Remus watched silently as Sirius tip-toed across the dorm and down the stairs. Against his better judgement, Remus stayed. He didn't want to ruin Sirius' life just yet.

And it's your turn to type to me!


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the reviews. They make me soo happy!

Chapter 7-

Half the day had already gone by and Remus was growing even more nervous by the second. He can't believe they had forgotten what today was. Remus watched as James and Sirius pulled trick after trick, laughing at their own antics. Sirius was in such a good mood, they all were but now..

Remus led the insane duo into the Great Hall for lunch. He sat down in his usual spot and quietly filled his own plate. Instead of sitting across from him like usual, Sirius came and sat right down next to him. Peter filled Sirius' old seat as Lily came and took a place by James. James looked up and gave her a big grin.

"Hello there Evans, fancy meeting you here."

Lily smirked. "Oh yes, can't imagine how I found you. It's amazing we ended up in the same place."

James patted the seat next to him and Lily sat down. She looked around at the others and gave a wave. Remus gave a small grin while Sirius did a sort of salute.

"Hello Lils, might I say that you're looking absolutely marvelous today.."

Lily shook her head and replied, "I swear Sirius if I didn't know you, I'd say you were flirting with me."

Sirius looked appalled. "Me? Flirting? Never, my dear never."

For the first time today Remus gave a smile. "You're the biggest flirt of our grade, Siri."

"I'm not going to take these horrible..accusations!" Sirius exclaimed and stuffed his mouth with a piece of turkey.

Lily smiled and turned to James. "Come on, we have the rest of the day off. Let's go outside, it's such a pretty day."

Anyone who knew James well enough could see he was practically melting just by her words. He nodded and scrambled up some food in a napkin. He sort of gave a half wave to the guys and followed her out.

Sirius shook his head in a mock sad way.

"She'll be his undoing. Pretty soon the James we all know and love will have vanished."

Remus gave a quick grin. Sirius looked over at him mild concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay Moony? You've been awfully quiet today. More quiet than usual and you didn't even say anything about our pranks."

Remus swallowed thickly. "Sirius...there' something I have to tell you."

Sirius licked his lips. "Ok, what is it?"

Remus looked away from Sirius and noticed that Peter had disappeared. Probably off to tag along with James and Lily, or something. Sirius cleared his throat.

"Did you want to go..er..somewhere else and tell me?"

Remus jerked his head back to face Sirius. "The full moon is tonight," Remus said bluntly.

Sirius, who had his fork halfway to his mouth stopped. He dropped his fork and it hit his plate with a clang. Sirius stared straight ahead and visibly tired to control himself.

"Oh..right. I..I had forgotten."

Remus laid a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Sirius..I.."

Sirius shook his head and stood up. He opened his mouth several times but nothing came out. Finally he turned and rushed out of the Great Hall. Remus closed his eyes and stood up slowly. Sirius would need a a little time to hisself, he thought as he went to climb the stairs. Abruptly changing his course Remus headed outside.

Remus quickly spotted James' messy hair and hurried over there. Lily and James were in a sort of tangle but Remus tapped on James' shoulder anyway. James energed, a sort of annoyed look on his face. It cleared quickly when he saw it was Remus.

"What is it?"

"You do know what tongiht is, don't you?" Remus said hopefully.

James looked around sheepishly and shrugged. Lily however gasped.

"It's the full moon," she said quietly.

James grimaced then his expression went to shock. "Sirius...this'll be his first time. Does he know? Is he okay? What's going to happen?"

Remus sat down. "He knows, I just told him...and he ran off. I figured I'd give him a little time then..then kind of prepare him for..for what will take place."

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe he had forgotten. James closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine what Sirius was feeling, the only who knew was Remus. James opened his eyes and looked at the werewolf.

"We should find him. No telling what he'll do, an emotional Sirius isn't a good thing."

Remus nodded not looking up. "You're right," Remus replied a slight waver in his voice but when he looked up James couldn't detect any trace of tears.

They stood up and Lily put a hand on both of their shoulders.

"Be careful tonight."

James gave her a brief smile and she walked off and joined a group of giggling girls. James and Remus started up for the castle. There was only one way to find Sirius.

The Marauders' Map.

Thirty minutes later they had found Sirius pacing in the Astronomy tower. James quickly erased the map and they set out for the tower.

Upon arrival they were both surprised that there was no sound. Remus looked at James.

"I was expecting.."

"Yelling."

Remus nodded. "Yeah."

"I know, me too."

Remus opened the door and walked in, James right behind him. Sirius was leaning over the edge, a bit too far for Remus' comfort, looking out at the Forbidden Forest. Before Remus or James had a chance to say anything Sirius turned.

"I don't want to hear anything words of comfort. Nothing will really prepare me for my first transformation and believe it or not, I'm ready for it."

Remus looked at James warily, the latter looking at Sirius as if Sirius had two heads. Remus focused his eyes back on Sirius, but the boy had turned back around.

"Sirius I-.."

"Remus."

Remus closed his mouth slowly. James looked down uncomfortably.

"Do you want us to leave Padfoot?"

Remus cringed as Sirius nodded his head. James pulled Remus' arm and they exited the tower leaving a solemn Sirius behind. Neither boy spoke until they had entered the Gryffindor Common Room. Remus fell into an armchair putting his head in his hands. James sat down on the couch, staring into the empty fireplace. They didn't know what to say nor do, except wait.

TBC...

Hope you enjoyed.


	8. Chapter 8

**What's going on? Thanks for the reviews and to answer one:**

**Sirius, yes would feel the effects but he doesn't think anything of it because he'snever felt them before. Get it? Hope that clears it up a bit.**

Chapter 8-

Remus looked at the clock and stood with a sigh.

"I guess I'll go," He said turning toward James.

James nodded and stood up. "What about Sirius?"

Remus shrugged. "Something tells me that he's already down there, but I could be wrong."

"I"ll just check the map before me and Pete head down there."

Remus gave a small smile. "Alright, thanks. See you in a bit."

James gave a small wave and watched the werewolf walk out of the common room. When the portriet closed James sighed and headed up to his dorm. There he gathered his invisibility cloak and picked up the map from his bedside.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," James said tonelessly.

The map slowly sprang into action and James waved Peter, who was sitting on the bed eating a cauldron cake, over ot help him. Thye looked for a good ten minutes before James erased it.

"He must be down there already."

Peter shrugged, gulping down the rest of his treat and the two of them headed down the stairs. When the common room was clear enough James quickly threw the cloak over them and they set out for the Whomping Willow.

Remus sat down next to Sirius. Sirius was gripping his pants so hard his knuckles were turning white. Remus gently grasped both Sirius' hands in his own and tried to look his boyfriend in the face. Sirius looked away.

"Siri, I know you're scared-.."

Sirius jumped up and half yelled "I'm not scared!"

Remus jumped a bit, surprised at the sudden loudness but then set his face.

"Fine be that way Black."

Sirius turned around quickly. Remus only used his last name when he really pissed the werewolf off. Sirius and Remus stared into each others eyes before Sirius couldn't stand it anymore. He fell to his knees before Remus putting his head in Remus' lap.

"I'm scared Remus," Sirius said simply, voice a bit muffled.

At first he thought Remus was just going to sit there but then he felt Remus' hand smoothing his hair. He lifted his face up and rejoined Remus on the ragged bed.

Remus looked over at Sirius as the latter took a deep breath.

"Rem, what's it like? What does it feel like?"

Remus sighed. He knew this question was going to come, though he had thought it would be sooner. Before Remus could answer the door swung open and James appeared. Remus saw tension leave James' face and shoulders when he saw Sirius and James moved in to let Peter inside. Sirius touched Remus' hand a gave it a pat. Remus looked at him and Sirius moved his head with a little shake.

Remus knew that to be forget it, don't answer. Remus looked back at James.

"How long?"

"A couple minutes maybe."

"Thought so."

Sirius put a hand to his head and stood up. Remus also stood going over to Sirius. He gave a brief look to James and James nodded. James took Peter's arm and steered the confused boy into the hallway. Remus turned back to Sirius.

"Sirius, listen to me. Just go with it. There's nothing you can do to make it stop."

Sirius was breathing as if he had just ran ten miles. Remus could feel his own body protesting and he shifted. Sirius gave out a yell and dropped down onto his knees. Sirius' whole body trembled and with every exhaled breath Sirius gave out a small scream.

"Sirius..Siri.." Remus began but it was no use. Sirius had his head up to the ceiling, eyes wide and crazed looking. Remus swallowed thickly and had to turn away.

He let out his own scream, not only because of the pain but of the anguish he felt for doing this to the one he loved. Sirius let out a powerful scream just as Remus finally transformed. The door bursted open and a white stag came in with a small rat on his back. The wolf looked at his mate.

His mate was clutching and scratching at his chest, arms and legs. Before the wolf could move in the stag pranced over knocking his mate's claws down. The wolf went over to help as the stag was knocked backward. His mate looked up into the wolf's eyes and the wolf could see not only pain and fear but understanding.

His mate understood what he went through every month and in that understanding was sadness.

The stag stomped on the floor and the wolf led his mate outside into the brisk night. His mate sniffed the air absently clawing at his chest. The wolf playfully tackled his mate and pretty soon the wolf, his mate and the stag were engaged in a wrestling match. The rat squeaked and watched a safe distance away. They soon ran into the woods, where they stayed for the rest of the night.

**It's a bit shorter than I thought it would be, but I really didn't want to add anymore so, forgive me.**

**Hope you enjoyed.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey thanks for the reviews. Sorry this is so late...I've not been in the mood to write.**

Chpater 9-

James sat near Sirius' still form waiting for him to come to. He hadn't woken up yet from last nights transformation but from the way the boy looked it was sure going to be hell.

Sirius was a bit paler than normal and there were heavy circles under his eyes but what concerned James the most was the ragged, ugly slashes on Sirius' chest. Dried blood had formed at the edges and one quick move would break the wounds open again. James sighed and looked around. Peter was gone as was Remus. Peter had gone up to get some sleep while Madam Pomfrey had already been here to collect Remus.

**Flashback**

Remus' eyes shot opened and he let out a groan. He felt, rather than saw a presence at his side. The form helped him sit up and he could finally tell who it was, James.

"S..Sirius..?"

James carefully helped Remus into a more comfortable postion until Madam Pomfrey got here.

"He hasn't awaken yet, are you alright?"

Remus closed his eyes. "Yeah,...I'm okay."

James sat back in the rickety chair and yawned. Remus, with difficulty turned to look at Sirius. James was about to ask Remus if he was really okay when he heard Peters' signal that Madam Pomfrey was coming. James jumped up and snatched the cloak off the broken table. He slung it over himself and carefully manuvered so that Sirius was hidden also.

"James..Sirius?"

"I'll take good care of Padfoot, Remus. I swear."

James saw Remus and at that moment Madam Pomfrey came bustling in.

**End of Flashback**

James felt his eyelids grow heavy. He reckoned it was only about five in the morning and that Sirius would probably sleep awhile longer. With that James closed his eyes and fell asleep in seconds.

Sirius felt someone shaking his shoulder gently and he moaned. The shaking stopped instantly and he heard James' hesitant voice.

"Sirius, mate..you okay?"

Sirius opened his eyes. His whole body hurt worse than he had ever felt before. His brain felt fogged, like it was seperated from his body. He wanted to answer James but it seemed the only thing he could manage was a groan.

James felt at a loss. He didn't know what to do; obviously Sirius was in a lot of pain. James could see that in Sirius' face. James didn't know whether to move him up to the castle or keep him here and go get some healing stuff or...

"Sirius..I don't know what to do. This is probably a stupid question but..how hurt are you? Do you think I could carry you?"

Sirius let out a groan and said with much difficulty, "Do what you...have to."

Sirius let out a breath as if saying that one line exhausted him but he needed to know something else.

"Remus?"

James was situating the cloak so it would cover both of them. "He's fine, most likely sleeping right now."

"My..chest.."

James stopped for a moment. "You...slashed at yourself a bit Siri. Is that where the pain mostly is?"

"Can't tell..everything hurts."

James put a chair to hold the door open. He went back to the bed and stood for a moment.

"This is going to hurt, but I'll be as gentle as I can."

Sirius didn't answer but closed his eyes. James took that for a go ahead and quickly but as gentle as possible picked Sirius up. Sirius made no sound but James could feel the tension. Slowly but surely they made it out of the Whomping Willow and up to the castle. With outstanding luck James got to the dorms with no trouble at all. Peter was snoring on his bed, stil fully dressed.

James layed Sirius down carefully. Sirius turned over letting out a kept in moan into his pillow. He didn't know where the pain stopped or began. It was everywhere, blinding, pulsing, cutting though him like knives.

"Sirius?"

James' voice brought him back from his sluggish brain and he lifted his head just a bit.

"I'm..okay..James," Sirius said forcefully, "You can...leave.."

James shook his head and went to the other side of the bed so he could look the boy in the face.

"Sirius, I don't think you are and I'm not going anywhere. Remus would kill me if he knew I had left you like this."

Sirius' lip trembled slightly and his eyes grew watery. James looked down, not in an embarrassed way but because he felt so helpless.

"I don't know what to do, Padfoot."

"S'okay."

James sighed and then stood up. "I'll go ask Remus, he should be able to have visitors by now. I won't be long, I swear. Do you want me to wake Peter up?"

Sirius had his head back in the pillow but James knew the answer anyway. With that James headed out of the dorms and hastily made his way to the Hospital Wing.

When Sirius heard the door shut he let out the sob that he had held for so long. He never knew how it had felt for Remus to go through this. He knew that it hurt worse than anything for Remus, but now that he had experienced it Sirius realized he never thought just how bad it was.

He cried for all the times James, Peter, and himself grew excited for the full moon. He cried because in those times, none of them ever once considered the pain it would cause their friend. He cried to have the one chance to take it away from Remus. To stop the werewolf's pain.

Sirius also cried for himself.

He fully realized what this was. A curse, a horrible curse inflicted on him and Remus for life. A curse that would haunt and torture them for the rest of their lives. Upon think of that, Sirius realized another thing, a brief thought that floated through his mind. This was only his first transformation.

Death had a new brighter meaning.

Remus sat up slowly as James approached the bed. Before James could even form a thought Remus beat him to it.

"How is he?"

James pulled a chair up beside Remus' bedside. "That's why I came. He's...in a lot of pain..."

Remus swallowed. Though he already knew Sirius would be, hearing it made it all too real. The guilt of biting his boyfriend, biting his love, was almost too unbearable. Remus felt his eyes fill with tears and he quickly blinked them away, thinking of other things like the recent Quidditch match they had and-

"..and I came down here to see if there was anything I could do. I mean, I'm no expert at healing charms, I don't even think I could do one properly. We can't bring him down here without telling them the truth about what happened so..We're in a bit of a fix."

Remus focused back on James. "How bad is the pain? Did he say?"

"He was nearly crying."

Remus put his head in his hands. "This is all my bloody fault."

James scooted closer laying ahand on Remus' shoulder. "Hey don't start the blaming game. It was just as much as your fault as it was the rest of us. Right now though I need some help. Sirius needs some help."

Remus nodded biting his lip. He had to think clearly, he needed to be strong. Suddenly it appeared to him.

"James you prat, you're girlfriend, Lily. Remember her? The best at Charms in our grade."

James smiled sheepishly. "That's right, I remember she said she could do healing charms. I guess I put it out fo my mind because I was kind of annoyed with her. I mean she's so smart, but then again that's why I love her and all..-"

"James!" Remus called amused.

James blinked and shook his head. "Oh, right. Rest up Remus, see you tonight."

Remus watched the love struck teen hurry out of the room. As soon as the doors closed Remus sighed and lay back down, looking out the window.

Sirius, he thought, I'm so bloody sorry.

**Hope you enjoyed. Again I'm sorry at the increasing lateness. You'll just have to forgive and forget.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey it's me. No I've not forgotten you all nor this story.**

Chapter 10-

Lily took the story in without so much as a blink and she was on her feet heading toward the boys dorms. James, who was more in shock than she was because he thought she would be in shock, followed her quickly. Before she opened the dorr she turned towards James.

"I'm going to need you to do something. Go to the Hospital Wing and nick a bottle or two of pain relief potion. Though I can heal the wounds, I can't make the pain disappear. If you have to get Remus to moan a couple times to distract Madam Pomfrey. Think of something, I know you're good at that."

James gave a half grin. "Anything else?"

Lily frowned in thought and shook her head a moment later. "No that's all, except I wished you had told me this sooner."

James cleared his throat nervously. "I'm sorry, Lils. I..just didn't..-"

Lily smiled. "It's okay James. After all, it's not really you're secret to tell."

She bent down and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Now go, go on."

Lily escaped through the door and James turned on his heel a bit dazed. He headed down the stairway on clouds.

Lily watched him an amused smile on her face and then turned towards the boys room. She walked inside, peering first then fully imersed herself inside the room. She shut the door gently so to not disturb Peter, who was snoring so loudly she didn't think he'd hear anything anyway. Lily looked at the last bed on the right side and sighed at the shaking ball under the blankets.

"Sirius?" Lily said softly putting a hand on the boy's shoulder.

The sahking minimized a bit and Sirius poked his head out. Lily gave him an encouraging smile, or at least she hoped it looked encouraging, and Sirius threw the blankets off his face.

"Hey Lils, you're not a boy," Sirius said weakly. His eyes were a bit unfocused and he looked feverish.

"Well I'm gald you notice that. I've come to try to heal your wounds, dogboy."

Sirius gave a smile. She was the only one Sirius would let call him dogboy. Lily pulled the covers down and helped unbutton his shirt.

"Wait..till ol' Prongsie hears 'bout this. You're touching me sooner than you did him," Sirius said chuckling a bit mad like.

Lily put her hand to Sirius' forehead. He was clammy but no fever. She pulled the shirt open and sucked in her breath. The gashes were the most horrible ones she had ever seen. Sure she could heal little ones, but she didn't know about wounds this big...

"S'not that bad really. Moony had worse..he always had it worse...but I guess I have it worse now too, right? Lily..promise you won't tell anyone if I tell you a secret?"

Lily drew her wand from her pocket and began to minister the spell. She concentrated harder then ever and absently nodded to Sirius' last question.

"Okay, I..I'll take that as a yes. I've been thinking...and this..this curse..it isn't Remus' fault, I could never blame the one I love..."

Lily kept nodding. The wounds were finally starting to react a little to her charm. The began to seal and the area around them was becoming less red.

"..but I don't think that I can handle this y'know. I mean, true I'm Sirius Black, the infamous Marauder, but this is something new...and..and.."

Finally they closed enough that she stopped and performed a little disinfectant charm she had glimpsed in her book one day. She was concentrating so hard she almost missed Sirius' last sentence.

"I might just kill myself."

Lily looked up into the face of Sirius Black and stared in shock.

Remus, with the help of James slowly made their way back to the dorms. With an all go from Madam Pomfrey James had no need to steal any potion because Madam Pomfrey always sent at least three bottles back with Remus.

They made their way without interruptions in which Remus was glad. James went before Remus and opened the door to their dorms and made his way to Lily. He smiled when he saw that the wounds on Sirius' chest were just about healed and that they looked much better.

"Lils, you did it. You're so awesome. You're the best..you're..you're not listening. Lily why are you staring at Sirius like he grew another head?"

Remus made his way much slower over there. He looked at Lily's face. She was satring at Sirius, the look of pure shock on her face. Sirius' expression was unreadable. He looked so many different things but Remus could smell fear but determination. Sirius was determined, but about what? Remus suddenly grew wary.

James pulled Lily away from the bed. "What did he do Lily?"

Lily looked at James her face going back to normal. She looked back at Sirius, who shook his head ever so slightly. Remus could tell a war was going on inside of James' girlfriend. Lily swallowed.

"Sirius..he uh..-"

"No! you promised Lily Evans!" Sirius nearly yelled then moaned.

Remus grabbed Sirius' hand trying to calm him down. Lily opened her mouth then closed it. She knew inside that if she didn't tell them this, it would ruin everything.

"Sirius, I have to. This isn't something to play around with."

She looked James in the face. "James he just told me that he wanted to kill himself."

**Enjoy, hope you liked it.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for your endless support.**

Chapter 11-

Remus turned and looked at Sirius. Sirius was looking at the bed covers, acting like it was just another day. He was even humming. Remus felt rage burn up inside him. He wanted to strangle Sirius. How dare he say he wants to kill himself then act like it was just like saying hello.

Remus looked at James briefly. There was sadness on it and that enraged Remus more. Before he could stop himself he felt his hand go up. He watched as his body took over and his fist connected with Sirius' cheek. He watched numbly as Sirius twisted with a yell and flew clear off the bed. There was a gasp and someone, he thought absently that it might have been Peter, was pulling him back and sitting him down on his bed.

But other than that no one else moved to help Sirius.

Sirius was in his own state of shock. He couldn't believe Remus, his Remus had just threw him a punch. If he had hurt before, it was even worse now. His head and cheek pounding, Sirius grasped the bed and slowly, painfully pulled himself up. He stood, panting staring at his so called friends.

He wanted to scream at Remus and the others. He wanted to yell at Lily for telling them his secret. He wanted to yell at himself for ever sharing anything. _This is why you don't tell people things._

Remus stared at Sirius ready for the yelling he knew that would emit from Sirius' mouth. He watched the boy turn away from them and prepared to fire back. Remus looked around an notice with a jolt that James, Lily and Peter had gone from the room. It was only him and Sirius now.

He turned back to Sirius who was now looking at him. They stared into each other's faces. After several minutes Sirius broke the silence.

"I've never felt pain like that before. I couldn't tell where I was, who I was. I didn't feel anything, yet I felt everything. I could sense things like never before. The night is a blur but I know it felt amazing. Then all I remember is the pain again. It's like I went to sleep with it and woke up with even worse than before. I knew it hurt. After years of watching you suffer from it, I bloody knew but experiencing it..."

Sirius stopped for a minute, grabbing the bed post again. Remus wanted to run over there and hug him, kiss him and tell him that everything was okay. Remus wished he could change what went on just now. It seemed that so much just happened and by the way Sirius was acting Remus knew he wasn't alone in feeling this.

Sirius plopped on the bed and immediately wished he hadn't. His ribs shocked him in protest and was glad that Remus couldn't see his face. He heard the other bed creak and turned to see Remus walk over in front of him. Remus sat down by Sirius' side.

"I'm sorry I said it. You know me though Remus, I would never...you guys mean too much to me. True, this isn't the very best thing to happen but, Remus..you suffered through it. It killed me evertime you went through another transformation. I wanted to..I don't know..I wanted to kill someone..something just watching you the next days struggle through the day in pain. It tour at my soul."

Sirius sighed. "I did say that I'd rather go through a million transformations than you have to do one."

Remus slowly grabbed Sirius' hand. "You shouldn't-"

Sirius covered Remus' mouth with his free hand.

"And after going through just one, I would still say that."

Remus snatched Sirius into a tight hug. Remus felt a tear run down his cheek and watched as it hit Sirius' shoulder. Reluctantly, or so it felt Sirius pulled away focusing Remus' face on his own.

"I still will love you, no matter what."

"I still will love you Sirius."

With that they shared a kiss.

**Here we go. Another chapter. Only about one more to go.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, I had two ways I could've ended this...but I chose this one. So hope you enjoy. Also, I guess this chapter is most likely a lot of AU. Yes I know the war was going on but I'm choosing to ignore it. Just see it as there's a war but not a lot of people, including Remus and Sirius, aren't really a part of it right now. **

Chapter 12-

The next day no one mentioned anything about yesterday. In fact everyone acted as if it hadn't happened. They went on talking and laughing as usual. James and Sirius even pulled a couple of unexpectant pranks, which unfourtunately landed all four of them in detention, although Remus and Peter had nothing to do with either of them.

Lily smiled at the four of them when they came back at one in the morning, wet, cold and tired. Even Sirius wasn't talking much.

"Well that should teach you."

"Teach us what?" Sirius asked.

"Never pull an unplanned prank."

Sirius grinned. "Knew we'd turn you into a fellow prankster some day."

"What can I say? You boys have a lasting affect on people."

James gave her a quick kiss and followed the rest of them up to the dorms.

Remus and Sirius stood in the middle of the dorms. They were unsuccessfully trying to wake the other two boys up. They stood their having a whispering argument about the best way to do it. Since they already tried the nice way, it was time to get mean.

"I think we should just, you know pour cold water on them..or hot."

"No, no, no. Haven't we taught you anything Moony? We tried being nice, we got to think mean."

Remus sighed impatiently. This was getting them no where. They had only an hour until classes started and it took James forever to get ready. Remus shook his head, James was almost as bad as a girl. sirius was looking around, but finally he smiled a bit.

"I have an idea, something not too mean but not too nice..also it should wake everyone else in the castle too."

Remus winced. "I don't like this..."

"Trust me, I'll take full blame."

"Fine."

Sirius grinned and pointed his wand at his throat. Remus put his fingers in his ears but it didn't block much of anything. Sirius opened his mouth.

"WAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUUPPPPP WEEEE ARE AAAAAALLL GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEE!"

Remus smiled broadly as the two sleeping boys jumped up, almost high enough to reach the ceiling. He heard some surprised yells and screams and much noise outside the dorm rooms. Sirius wore a smile to match Remus'. About five minutes later Professor McGonagall came bursting through. She wore a fearful expression until she saw the two of them smiling. She quickly walked over and grabbed their ears.

"You two will have detention for the rest of the year! Fifty points from Gryffindor for each of you!"

She continued to yell all the way out of the dorms. Sirius winced and took a look at Remus. He was a bit surprised to find the werewolf laughing under his breath. Sirius grinned, then burst into laughter himself. The detention was worth it. Anything was worth seeing Remus laugh.

Sirius stared at Remus, who was looking at the ground. Sirius took out a cigarette, lit it and took a long drag. There was so much tension that Sirius thought he could just reach out his hand and grab it.

"So what does this mean?"

Remus looked up, eyes blazing. "Stop being so stupid Sirius. You know what this means."

Sirius blinked. "Stupid am I? Well, you'll have to be more ingenius than that Remus. I've been called that so many times, I'm quite used to it."

Remus said nothing. Inside he was dying. He knew he had hurt Sirius a lot, but sometimes these things happen. Remus knew that Sirius knew you couldn't help who you fell in love with.

"Sirius, I'm sorry."

Sirius didn't say anything, just swallowed. He threw the cigarette butt on the ground and lit another one. He turned to Remus with a grin.

"Hey it's okay. So when are you going to move in with him?"

"I already have."

"Cool, cool," Sirius replied easily.

Remus stepped a bit closer. "Well..I..-"

"Bye."

Remus closed his mouth, turned and began walking away. When he looked back, Sirius was gone. Remus sighed and apparted himself.

Remus wrinkled his nose. He put his bags down looking around. The place was all that bad, but it rank of alcohol and drugs. Remus ventured in a little further, leaving his bags put. He walked into what he thought was the living room and peered around. On the table there were ash trays and tiny plates covered in white powder and straws. Now he knew that smell. He had been smelling pot and cocaine.

Remus closed his eyes a minute and walked out of that room. He walked in the kitchen, dismayed to se it faired no better. Dishes were in the sink, the fridge was wide open and not surprisinly empty. Empty smirnoff and whiskey bottles lay int he sink, ont he table and the floor.

"Sirius, are you here?"

He walked out of there and heard something crack under his feet. He stepped off and saw a couple of sryinges.

"What have you been doing Siri?" Remus muttered.

"I've been living," came a weak, rough voice.

Remus looked up quickly and barely hid a gasp. What was once a handsome, well toned man, with sparkling eyes, dazzling smile and full black hair, there now stood a skeleton, ragged man, whose eyes were dull and his hair thin and whispy, with gray lines running down it.

"God Sirius."

Sirius coughed and pushed his way through Remus. He rummaged through drawer after drawer until finally he pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and turned to Remus.

"You're looking good. How's it been?"

Remus didn't answer. Instead he waved his arms around.

"Why Sirius?"

Sirius coughed and itched at his arms. "I was introduced to it my one of my boyfriends. Needless to say I liked it."

"Are you still with him?"

Sirius smiled and shook his head. "No, couldn't stand the bastard when he was drunk. Turned into a raving lunatic. Went to a muggle hospital because of him a few times. Not by choice, but because I was usually out cold."

Remus stood there looking at this man who used to be his friend, his lover. There seemed to be no more of the old Sirius anymore. It was all taken over by this alien.

"He left behind a damn few of his habits though. Can't stop shootin' up or snorting, you know what they say though if you have one fucking cookie then you're gonna want another fucking cookie.."

Sirius suddenly was ripped out of his thoughts and looked up at Remus with blood-shot eyes.

"You told me that day that you had found someone else. I died that day Remus. It was the worst thing in my entire life. I thought about you everyday after that. Then when I met the bloke, John, who introduced me to all this, this became my escape. It worked too, all I could think about was getting high, getting on another acid trip...but it all went down hill again when he started cheating, beating on me. When he finally left I was grateful, but I realized that he was my only connection to all this."

"I went a few months, living on the streets..."

Sirius suddenly stopped. "You don't ned to cry."

Remus though, felt he had to. He crossed the room, taking Sirius into his arms. The black haired man stood there tense. Remus let go, looking into Sirius' face.

"Sirius, I made the biggest mistake that day, leaving you. I can't and won't say anything like an excuse to you. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. I'm so sorry...but I want to make things right. It hasn't been all that great for me either."

Sirius looked at him. "You hurt me."

"I know."

Sirius turned away. "I still love you, as much as I always have."

Remus walked around to look Sirius in the face. "How?"

"Because I just do."

Remus caressed Sirius' cheek. "I love you too Siri."

Remus watched Sirius' eyes fill and pour tears that ran down his bony cheeks. Remus pulled him into a hug as Sirius cried harder than Remus had ever seen. Remus held him as Sirius told of everything that had been going on seen that day. Remus in turn shared his story. This was the day of a new ending and a new beginning for both of them.

**Okay, there's going to be one more chapter..lol.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Alright last chapter. Probably going to be a bit short, but of well. You had a long one for chapter 12..hehe.**

chapter 13-

"Siri, James is here."

It had been six months since Remus came to Sirius. In those six months there had been a lot of shaping to do. Sirius was working to become fully clean and Remus was helping him all he could. James and Lily became a bigger part of the two's life also. There had been many fights, tears and fall backs, but they all got through it well enough.

Sirius walkedto the living room where Remus and James were sitting. He sat down and reached for a cigarette with shaking hands. Without a word Remus took it from him and lit it. He handed it back to Sirius carefully and Sirius grinned.

"Thanks. So James, what brings you here?"

James laid back. "Ah, just a visit. Lily went out on an all girls day so I was bored."

Sirius nodded. Remus looked at him. He had come a long way from the man Remus had met six months ago. Without the drugs Sirius was looking better, though the full moon still brought a load on. Remus stopped his daydreaming and brought himself back into the conversation.

"..and Dumbledore just looked at us and smiled. He sent a note saying how that was very impressive magic."

Sirius laughed as James wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. Remus smile broadly so it looked like he knew what they were talking about.

"The good days, the good days," Sirius said. He looked at Remus.

"I'm surprised you didn't say anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Well used to when we brought up the prank that involved you and that time we snuck Lily's muggle recorder in and caught you singing in the shower you'd say.."

"Shut up!" Remus said loudly turning red.

Sirius and James laughed loudly, with Sirisu clutching at his sides. Remus frowned, crossing his arms. He didn't think it was that funny, and voice his opinion aloud.

"Especially since you showed the clip to the whole bloody school at lunch."

They had cut down to a chuckle. Remus let forth a smile. "Though you are right, those were the best times."

James looked out the window. "It sucks that we had to grow up. I remember thinking how I couldn't wait to be old enough to go out on my own, getting bloody rich and have girls flutter around me."

Sirius leaned against Remus. "I remember thinking how I couldn't wait to get out of the house and be an auror."

Remus put his arms around Sirius. "I wanted to work with muggles."

"We all thought you were crazy," James put in, "Though Sirius threatened us to not say it to your face."

The thre of them stayed there all afternoon, going over old prank and dreams. They talked about who they remembered and what they thought people they knew had ended up. When the clock sounded James turned to look at it.

"Wow, 9 p.m. I should be going."

He stood and waved. Remus waved and Sirius gave a salute. James threw some floo powder in and whisked away. Sirius stood up and stretched, various bones popping.

"I'm getting old."

Remus stood up beside him. "Well I like them old."

Sirius turned smiling. "Do you now..well then, how else do you like them?"

Remus growled playfully and smiled. "Let me show you."

He pushed Sirius all the way into their bedroom and shut the door.

The door first opened at one in the afternoon on the next day.

**THE END. Hope you enjoyed.**


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